


Don't Ever Let Me Go

by bottombitch



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: F/M, Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:50:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9178387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bottombitch/pseuds/bottombitch
Summary: With the Institute destroyed, Nate finds himself aimless. Desdemona provides a shoulder for him to lean on.





	1. As The Dust Settled

Nate sighed, leaning over the low wall going around the rooftop of the Mass-Fusion Building. In the distance, the explosion that had destroyed the Institute was beginning to fade out. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he had a chance to reflect on his journey. He’d killed the man who killed his wife, found his son, gone against his son, and had murdered his way through the entire Commonwealth. All of his questions had been answered, and yet he felt so empty inside.

Desdemona trailed up behind him, standing at his side. She knew most of his story, and could put together the pieces to figure out why he looked sad. Whereas she, and the rest of the railroad, could be happy because they’d taken a large step towards their goal, Nate couldn’t feel the same devotion towards them After all, throughout his time at the Railroad, he had mostly been a drifter of sorts; he would help them, but his heart was never truly in it. It seemed like, in the end, he’d only helped them because he truly believed that his son, and the rest of the institute, needed to be stopped. She knew that he felt that way. She didn’t judge him for it.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked, quietly. Both so as to not startle him, and so that, if he so desired, the others around them didn’t need to hear the conversation. He wasn’t the shy type, but having him leave out of embarrassment wasn’t something that she wanted.

He didn’t answer right away, staring off into the distance. It seemed that he was still processing everything that was happening. He then turned his head towards her, looking through his aviator sunglasses right into her eyes with a piercing glare; “Am I supposed to be?”

Of course not. She knew that. He knew that. She knew that he knew that. ‘Charmer,’ as she, and the rest of the railroad, called him, had always been difficult. He would take a bullet for her, and had, and would follow her orders so long as they made at least some sense, but whenever it came to being emotional, he never seemed to know how to handle it. Nobody could expect him to. He was also sometimes… confrontational, which was the impression that she got from the glare, but she understood, and didn’t hold it against him. He’d been through a lot in the short time that he’d been in the Commonwealth. She felt sorry for him – not that she’d ever tell him that – but she also respected him, because she couldn’t think of anybody else who would be able to stand up and fight after everything that he’d been through.

She didn’t answer; didn’t know how to. He went back to staring off into the distance, watching as the final dusty remnants of his son’s empire settled on the ground. He placed his open palms against the concrete of the building’s parapet, letting out an audible sigh through his nose. He could scarcely believe that all of this was happening, but denial wouldn’t get him anywhere. He knew that. What he didn’t know was what he _was_ supposed to do. Maybe there wasn’t anything he was supposed to do. Maybe he was done. Maybe his life was over.

He felt something touch his hand, and looked down to see what it was. Desdemona had placed her hand on top of his. He gave her a quizzical look; to which she gave him a supportive one. Yeah. He was going to be fine. Maybe he’d keep working for the railroad. Maybe he’d go off on his own and have some adventures. Either way, he had people behind him. He’d be just fine. He came back from his bout of depression to give Desdemona a weak smile.

He had a thousand words that he wanted to say to her: how much he appreciated how much effort she’d put into being supportive whilst also keeping the railroad safe; how often she’d given him leeway; how much she clearly cared about him, but none of it came out. He couldn’t say it. Besides, now probably wasn’t the best time. He shifted his hand to give her a light pat on the far shoulder, before taking a breath through his nose and nodding, as if to confirm to himself that he was going to do something.

“Thanks, Dez” was all he could manage, before turning and looking towards the door that led to the elevator. “I’ll see you later. I’m gonna go make sure that everybody knows what’s happened here today.” It was a big weight to put upon his own shoulders, she thought, but it wasn’t unlike him to want to do it. She gave a smile, and then a nod.

“See you back at base, Charmer” she replied, leaving a silence between them. As he reached the door, she continued.

“Don’t keep me waiting.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

‘Charmer’. Fitting.


	2. With Shame, and Regret

Everything definitely wasn’t going to be okay.

Nate sat on the edge of a bed in Railroad HQ, holding a letter that he’d received from Liam Binet, one of the scientists working at the Institute. The destruction of the Institute had come at a heavy price; he’d had to betray Liam. Racked with the guilt of having helped in the destruction of the Institute, Liam had committed suicide. He left Nate a rather brutal note, wishing the worst for him.

Nate pulled out a lighter and burned the letter; Desdemona had told him to once he’d finished reading it. He then leaned back, laying his back against the wall behind him. He closed his eyes, letting a sigh out through his nose. He didn’t regret what he’d done, but it was hard to forget all of the lives he had destroyed in the process.

When Desdemona had handed him the note, she had seemed just as wracked with guilt as he was now. She’d also told him that they were to never speak of it again, and to claim that ‘Patriot,’ as they’d codenamed Liam, had died in the Institute along with the rest of the causalities. It seemed disrespectful to lie about it, but Nate understood why they had to.

He moved to his feet, and began pacing around his room. He was thinking too fast to actually get anything done, his mind a clusterfuck of emotions.  He’d always known that the destruction of the institute was going to come at a heavy price, and sacrifices were going to have to be made, but that didn’t make it any easier, especially considering that, for all intents and purposes, the blood rested on his hands alone. Had he not entered the Institute, the Railroad would be exactly where they were before.

He heard a knock at his door. He gave himself a moment to become fully composed, and then walked over to the door and opened it. Desdemona stood in the doorway, looking as relaxed as ever - that is to say, not relaxed in the slightest.

“Are you oka-” Nate began, but Desdemona cut him off desperately, as if not wanting to have to answer the question.

“I came here to check on you. I know that… _some_ of the things that have happened these last couple of days have had an effect on you, and I’d like you to stick around” she said. It all seemed too drawn out. Nate didn’t doubt that she meant what it was saying, but he knew that she wasn’t saying it out of choice.

He shook his head, waving her in. After she moved into the room, he closed the door.

“I’m not going anywhere. I’m just a little… messed up” he replied, deciding to give her a straight, honest answer. She gave a slow nod, looking like she was only half there. She seemed… unfocused, he noted, after thinking on it for a moment.

“Dez…” he started, reaching over to put a hand on her shoulder. Once again, she cut him off, looking up at him quickly.

“It’s Abigail. My name… My name is Abigail” she spoke, leaving Nate in shock for a moment.

“Wait, but, I thought that we were, uh… supposed to, y’know. Stick to codenames” Nate questioned her. She’d always been pretty uptight about that; for good reason, but because of that, it was weird for her to go back on it so suddenly.

“We are, but I just…” she started, before trailing off. “This all becomes too much for me sometimes. I feel so pressured to be at my best at all times. I have… I have thoughts and feelings outside of being leader, but I feel like people forget that. I know that I’m expected to do my best – and I have, and will continue to, but I’d like someone to just treat me like a person every once in a while.”

She was making sense. He moved his hand from her shoulder, and patted her back gently, before offering her a hug. She accepted, leaning close to him and wrapping her arms around his body. It felt good to be this close to someone. Nate closed his eyes, letting himself enjoy the moment.

“I can’t imagine going through what you go through. All those expectations people put on you” he told her. “If you need to talk about that stuff, I’m here.” Things felt normal at the moment, as he was speaking to her. Obviously, the shit had hit the fan, but he felt… calmer about it. It didn’t seem to matter as much. Of course, he knew that would change the moment she left.

He felt her push away from him, and opened his eyes to watch her step back. “I’m sorry, Charmer.”

“It’s Nate.”

“Charmer. I am. This is a lot to put on you. I probably shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t think it through.”

Nate frowned. She’d done a complete one-eighty. Before he could say anything else, she’d left, and he was back to his isolation. He padded over to the door and locked it, before moving over to his bed and laying down on it. Maybe he was tired enough to force himself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took longer than I expected it to. It originally ended a different way, but I decided to rewrite it. Hope you all like it!

**Author's Note:**

> Totally didn't quote a song from a different Fallout game for the title. The fuck you talkin' about?
> 
> This starting chapter was going to be longer, but what is now Chapter 2 has such a drastic change in tone that it felt better to separate them.


End file.
